Eleven

We've been at the mission now for 10 years.  We started just after M finished school.  I was teaching college classes and working at a church.  Now, I'm nearly 40 and she's just past 30.  We spent the whole first year in the gym.  Of course, now there's the row house.  Ours for 9 years.  The longest any tenants have claimed it as their own. 

See, we don't have children. We've seen what happens.  A couple comes, ministers, works and then has a child.  They may try and stay for a while.  But then, they leave.  It is just too much to handle with a child.  And we love the work and each other and the life we have.  We don't want to go down the same path everyone else does.  Without kids, we have options and we can serve more deeply and we can care for our work. 

We both teach now, online.  And with that plus the mission stipend, we earn about $50,000 a year.  We have no car.  The row house is owned by the mission, so we have no house payment.  You can do a lot with $50,000 if you don't have a mortgage or a car payment.  Plus, our lunches and meals on the weekends are provided by the mission. 

We've saved.  And we could buy a house if we left.  But even talking about leaving makes us cry.  We've added stability to the work.  And we've found a routine.  Still, it is hard to say we've grown the organization.  And over time, you see patterns and can predict who will be helped and move on and who will not.  Who will leave and come back.  The successes are small.  Except that absent our work, some of those we help would not survive at all. 

I sometimes think about pastoring a proper church.  A nice, small-ish congregation in the suburbs. We could buy a victorian home and have a yard and yes, a child (or two).  I could make myself what we both bring in.  Or, we could find teaching jobs at a private high school or small college.  I could enter my 40s having done more than a decade of mission work and could teach with a compelling perspective.  M could be a young, vibrant force on campus. 

We could just stay here.  Keep living in the row house.  No one stays past 40.  But we're close.  Well, I am.  Maybe staying would make us forever young.  We both run.  And she still swims -- she's wildly fit and it intimidates me some. 

I smile when I think of introducing her at my 20th high school reunion.  Selfish and silly, I suppose.  But for everyone I once knew (and those who still see me in some capacity) to see me with M.  To see that young, earnest boy turn into an earnest man who really meant what he said.  Who is still a true believer all these years later.  A fit, energetic man with a purpose. Married to M -- clearly bright, athletic, and plainly beautiful. 

In one year or two, we'll decide.  Or, the decision will be made for us. We'll have a child and then we'll move.  Or, I'll turn 40 and this will be where we are. Though we could well move to a new phase, a new row, even without the child.  Bring our selfish love to a new place. 

I smile knowing that for now and for always, M and I will be one.