11

Grossly underperforming.

Yes, I was told I was grossly underperforming. 

I didn't seem to be passionate. 

This just a few weeks after I messed up big time.  Big time.

We disagreed over whether or not I should do something.  My boss insistent that it be done.  I equally insistent that doing so was risky and ill-advised. 

I agreed to do it because she was adamant.  Then, I didn't do it.  And at the very last minute, she discovered my path of inaction. 

Had two more days passed, the deadline would have passed, all would have been well, and instead of nearly canned, I'd have been a hero.

Instead, it all came to light.  I was right, of course.  But not in her mind.  And since I had told I would and then didn't, well, that's always bad.

One month before I was told I was grossly underperforming, it was noted that I had been doing an outstanding job with a solid record of results.  This was the only feedback I'd ever been given about my work.  That it was outstanding. 

Now, I didn't seem passionate, she said.

No shit.  I took this job after six months of not having a job in the worst economic downturn in 50 years.  So, yeah, I took it.  And I was thrilled that it was paying more than I had been making at the last job I had.  At the point when I said yes, I would have taken 20 or 30 thousand less.  Just to work and get paid. 

In my first six months, I proved rather effective.  And I also learned this job required about 8% of my capacity.  So, I found diversions.  Books to read.  Articles to write.  At least once a week, I'd fire off a job application.  A couple times, I landed interviews, but no offers. 

Then, I settled in.  This was the job I was going to have and do.  I made decent money and had plenty of time to spend with my family.  We could take trips and I wasn't stressed at all. 

Until I was told I was grossly underperforming.  That it was now clear that I had not been doing all I could for the team. 

Again, if I brought my full ability to bear, we'd need about 3 less staff people.  And, I was comfortable.  I was nailing everything because it didn't require too much focus and I could get it done and do it very well.  Better than my predecessors. 

I'd often hear that it was clear I'd leave sometime soon. 

And then.  This.

So, job applications went out.  Some to jobs I didn't want at all.  But, I had to get out.  She knew when I came in and when I left every single day. 

My lunch hour was monitored. 

I couldn't leave to do the things that so often resulted in good outcomes for our team because if I left it was assumed I wasn't working. 

There were a couple times when I thought of just walking out.  Like I had done one summer when I got tired of a crappy job where I'd been mistreated.  No one every talked to me there, and one day, mid-shift, I just walked out. 

I didn't walk out, of course.  I just kept looking for jobs.  And coming in right on time and leaving right on time and taking exactly one hour for lunch every single day no matter what.